“You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, lest we die.” (Exodus 20:19)
You don't consciously disobey God, you just don't pay attention to Him. God has given you His commands; there they are, but you do not pay any attention to them, not because of wilful disobedience but because you do not love and respect Him. “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” When you realize that you have been ‘disrespecting’ God all the time, you are covered with shame and humiliation because you have not paid any attention to Him.
“Speak to us … but do not let God speak to us.” You show how little you love God by preferring to listen to His servants only. You like to listen to personal testimonies, but you don't want God Himself to speak to you. Why are you so terrified of God speaking to you? Because you know that if God speaks, either you'll have to do something or you'll have to tell God him you won't obey Him. If it is only the servant’s voice you hear, you feel like it's not imperative, you can say, ‘Well, that's just your own idea, though I don’t deny it is probably God’s truth.’
Are you putting God in the humiliating position of having treated you as a child of His while all the time you have been ignoring Him? When you do hear Him, the humiliation you have put on Him comes back on you—‘Lord, why was I so dull and so obstinate?’ This is always the result when you finally hear God. The real delight of hearing Him is tempered with shame in having been so long in hearing Him.
(adapted from My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers)